Forgiveness Used as a Weapon: What I Learned Beyond ‘Just Forgive'
I’ve written about this before, and I still believe you aren’t required to forgive someone to be forgiven by God. That is pre-Cross teaching. Yet God works within us to unravel pain, loss, and grievances in exactly the way we need.
For me, the path started with seeing the rash and understanding I needed to let things go. As issues surfaced, my skin showed me I was on the right track; when I released them, the rash improved. This is how God sometimes works with me—even in the spiritual realm. It’s not mean or cruel. I believe he’s always speaking, always revealing.
He created each of us uniquely, and he’s the only one who knows exactly how to reach our hearts. When raising my sons, I often told the Lord, “These are your creations. You made them perfectly; You know them completely. Please help me raise them the way they need.” He did, amazingly, and I still lean hard into that as a mom to adult children.
Back when I felt like I was drowning, many people told me I just needed to forgive the offenders, say I was sorry, and everything would be fine. Some even said to forgive, make things right, and then come back. I’m thankful for my stubbornness in those moments—it was self-protection. I wasn’t ready to forgive, and no one could point to anything I’d actually done wrong. I stopped handing out “sorrys” without understanding what I was apologizing for. To understand this part of my story, I’d already walked down of saying sorry for something I had not done wrong but was taught to believe I had. You can read more in my piece –“What is a Prophet to Do?”
I stopped making my children ask for forgiveness when my eldest was three. The Lord dealt with me on this subject, and it stopped immediately. I refused to control or manipulate them. I’ve learned I’m not anyone’s Holy Spirit.
I was raised in the church believing I must “forgive to be forgiven”, but it always felt contentious. I couldn’t mix the two covenants together. I saw it as a “do this to get that”. In reality, it’s letting God enter the hurting parts of us. I can’t do it alone, there is no way. I need his help to forgive. That’s why the Old Covenant required this. We had to understand, we simply can’t on our own.
Jesus has completed our forgiveness with God. I stand before him fully forgiven for all time. If that’s true for me, it’s true for anyone who accepts his free gift. Horizontal forgiveness (person to person) is something God enters into to help us with his Holy Spirit. I have found it’s often a process, not always immediate.
Does that mean I have to trust them. No. It means I ask God for help. Forgiveness is given; trust is earned.
Because forgiveness was used as a weapon against me, I always questioned whether I’d truly let it go. The anger still flared sometimes. The rash still appeared! Deep down, I wondered if I’d fully released it. But even in those questions, I was learning my resilience was proof that the harm didn’t define me; it was something I survived.
