My Story of Hidden Hurt : You Are More Resilient Than You Realize
…Until November 2024, when a small rash appeared on my face and neck just before I traveled to Miami for the book award for Time to Really Live Free. It went away as I attended the ceremony and felt like I was moving forward, letting go even more. Layers, emotional layers in our lives, that God wants healed.
Then in July 2025, with another award ceremony for Time to Really Live Free approaching, the rash suddenly returned to its original place (my armpits), looking exactly the same—though thankfully this time it only spread down my arms. When it came back, I said, “I thought I was done with this?” God replied, “Not quite…”
It’s interesting to look at the very dark red spots now left on my armpits. Deep pain, deep hurt—red and raw centered in these three spots. No longer itchy, dry, or painful—but still speaking to me: “Take a look here… and maybe over here.”
C.S. Lewis said it well in The Four Loves:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. … To love is to be vulnerable.”
Vulnerability is something I haven’t wanted to embrace for the last eleven years. Being vulnerable had hurt me, so to avoid more hurt, I decided not to be vulnerable. I equated vulnerability with being a victim-and I feared that meant weakness. But my body showing what was inside didn’t agree with that approach at all.
What I have learned is that the word “victim” doesn’t mean I’m weak. I had to take my own advice and look up the definition for my situation:
One who is harmed by or made to suffer under a circumstance or condition.
To say I was a victim of something doesn’t mean that is who I am. It is only what I experienced. Coming out of this experience, I knew I am able to survive. I also learned I have great resilience. Who I am is a resilient, loving human being made in God’s image. I grabbed hold of the strength He gave me and made it mine.
I’m not the only one who was harmed or who suffered. So many others were too. We aren’t weak. We chose to love. We chose to serve Christ. We chose to love the body of Christ.
I’ve had to redefine what vulnerability means to me. Christ was so vulnerable. I see it so differently now…but I’m getting ahead of my story.
