The Promise and the Pain
Introduction
When I began blogging, before I even considered becoming an author with published books, I promised I would live with an open journal. The reason was simple: I was hoping to help others navigate life with Christ as I navigate it myself. I want to live with my eyes wide open seeing God more clearly every day and moving from glory to glory with him. This will either be a really long post or broken up. Either way it will be the real and raw. I believe hearing my story will help many others on their own adventure with God and perhaps for those who have not yet chosen God this will help them discover their adventure with God.
First and foremost I want to thank my family and friends for walking this adventure with me. This is community and I almost forgot that. But here we go…
We Always Go Back to the Beginning of Something
Sometimes you move through seasons where you just have to keep moving forward, otherwise you’ll drown. So much comes at you that every moment is filled with overwhelming pain that threatens to pull you under, all while you still have to navigate everyday life: cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house, trying to be a mom, wife, daughter.
During those times, I simply pushed forward to keep from drowning…but I drowned anyway. I buried the hurt, pain, and loss, pretending it didn’t affect me when in reality it affected everything.
In July 2021, I developed a rash under my armpits. When I first sought the Lord about it and asked for healing, he told me it would be a process. I wasn’t happy with that answer. I yelled, railed, and reminded him of all the times I’d prayed for people who were immediately healed. I was angry, but there was nothing I could do except follow where he was leading. I wanted immediate; he wanted complete.
The rash was red, raw, itchy, dry, and would break open when I moved. After six months and many doctors, I sought help from a homeopathic practitioner. Over the next three years, I took a remedy he called “salt—to let it go” (I nicknamed them my “let it go pills”). What I now understand is that my inner self was showing on my outer self. I had stuffed down too much pain to keep going, and it was time to release the hurt, pain, and anger—anger because I had been hurt.
I did a lot of letting go over those three years, especially related to what had happened to me in the church. The rash completely disappeared…
